He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
