she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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