I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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