dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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