I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sober January is a disaster.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
