Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I will pee on everything he values.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
