I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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