i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
