There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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