My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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