Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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