I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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