Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
