Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
