So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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