Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
