areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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