i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
