I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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