Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
