I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
