He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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