Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
