maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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