he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
