The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
