I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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