She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
