so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
