Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
