Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
