it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
there is glitter all over my balls
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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