Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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