i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
