So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
