You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
