My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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