my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
