just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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