Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.

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(949): View more from California

I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.

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(917): View more from New York City

I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay

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(443): View more from Maryland

she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

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(607): View more from New York

he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.

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(972): View more from Texas

Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.

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