We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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