my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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