if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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