Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
