Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
