I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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