I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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