If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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