You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
