You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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