TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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