shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
