i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
