friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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