i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize