party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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