oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
