you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
