Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
