You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
