I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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