The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
