I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
