Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
