come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
