You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
