I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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