This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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