Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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