Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
